Thank you, reader Katie, for sharing your experience. I can relate. Kind of. With my most recent pregnancy, I was six months pregnant before The Devil asked me when the baby was due.
You know, my husband and I have been married for almost 10 months now. I adore him. I adore his entire family, including all 7 of his brothers and sisters, his dad and s'mother (that's step-mother for those of you not extended-family-terminology savvy), even his insane drug-addict grandmother and over-bearing grandfather. But, the one that I cannot stand is The Devil Herself.
The MIL just has a knack for making everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) about her. My bridal shower? About her. My wedding? About her. The fucking tasting dinner for our caterer before the wedding was even about her! She politely arrived to the tasting to inform her son (my future husband at the time) that she was not going to stay because she was pretty sure she was having a heart attack. So, she left and drove herself to the hospital. I am sure you can only imagine the martyrdom. She thinks the world revolves around her and the sun fucking rises and sets on her ass.
Most recently, my husband and I found out that we are having a baby. The Devil was in the hospital at the time, which is another horrifying, story for another time. The short and sweet of it is that The Devil comes down with some life threatening illness or another about once every two months or so. Thus far, we've had brain tumors, MS, breast cancer, paralysis... you get the picture. Anyway, the crazy fuck was in the hospital again, and so she was next to the very last person to know that we are expecting a child. On the way to the hospital to tell her, my husband asked me if I really thought it was a good idea to tell her about our news at this time. When I asked him why he thought we should wait, he honestly said "Well, you know... because of the condition of her heart." I wanted to scream.
When we did finally tell her, the exchange went something like this:
Husband: "Mom, we wanted to tell you that we're having a baby."
Devil: "I'M going to be a grandma?!"
Husband: "Yep. We're having a baby, Mom."
Devil: "I'M so happy! I'M going to be a grandma!"
(Unsuspecting nurse enters.)
Devil: "Nurse! I'M going to be a grandma! Aren't you so happy for ME?!?"
No congratulations. No indication of the fact that this is something about my husband and myself and almost is in no way at all about HER. Nothing that signified her happiness or pleasure with the two of us. Simply celebration for her being launched into grandparenthood... by no real contribution of her own. Gosh, you have to love the self-centeredness of The Devil.
I'll just have to be sure that when she does finally kick it, I'm sure to let her know that that one really is all.about.her.
Friday, November 20, 2009
It's All About ME! Starring: The Devil Herself
Labels: Bad Grandma, Crazy, Reader Post, Weddings
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115 comments:
I think you should make her funeral all about you in all fairness. ;)
Hugs!!
Crap on a cracker! She is a whack! I would have to get in her face and let her know I wanted to pull the plug on her while she is on her deathbed !
Wow. I hope for your sake she really does get sick and die! (Did I just type that??)
with all those medical issues, too bad she won't be able to babysit much.
I so hate that I can completely relate to that! (See how I made that about ME?? I am going to make an excellent MIL someday!! Ha!)
You can tell her she can't be left alone with the baby because she could have a heart attack at any time, this will save you many years of grief. Congratulations to you and your husband!
Congrats on the baby!! How excitinga nd awesome!! About that MIL of yours...Oh my gosh move away and fast! Lol. She sounds horrid!!
Wow your MIL and mine could be twins. I feel for you.
Just so ya'll know -- the Devil in this post has never ACTUALLY been close to death. So Katie never had a chance to threaten to pull the plug. All of her illnesses have been imagined or minor but made to sound life-threatening for attention. And she likes to use creative phrasing to really give diagnosis a punch like when they finally diagnosed her with sleep apnea (b/c she's overweight) because she kept having 'strokes' (which weren't really strokes.) She didn't tell the kids, "Good news! I only have sleep apnea!" It was, "Sit down. I have SEVERE OBSTRUCTIVE sleep apnea and I could die from it." A barrel of laughs, I tell you.
I have 1st hand knowledge of this situation, I'm Katie's S'mother. :-) (I love you Katie!!) I just hate she'll have to deal with this until now. Thanks, everyone, for your super awesome comments. I think they'll really make her day when she sees them.
I honestly laughed a lot when I read the first comment about making the suegra (that's MIL in Spanish)'s funeral about Katie. That would be something I'd pay good money to see.
OMG . . . I wanna choke this woman!
Hey! Congratulations!
Thanks, everyone. Sometimes I really need the support. Haha.
Plo is a genius! No babysitter duties for apnea and stroke victims!
I would have to get in her face and let her know I wanted to pull the plug on her while she is on her deathbed !
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