Friday, November 20, 2009

It's All About ME! Starring: The Devil Herself

Thank you, reader Katie, for sharing your experience. I can relate. Kind of. With my most recent pregnancy, I was six months pregnant before The Devil asked me when the baby was due.


You know, my husband and I have been married for almost 10 months now. I adore him. I adore his entire family, including all 7 of his brothers and sisters, his dad and s'mother (that's step-mother for those of you not extended-family-terminology savvy), even his insane drug-addict grandmother and over-bearing grandfather. But, the one that I cannot stand is The Devil Herself.

The MIL just has a knack for making everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) about her. My bridal shower? About her. My wedding? About her. The fucking tasting dinner for our caterer before the wedding was even about her! She politely arrived to the tasting to inform her son (my future husband at the time) that she was not going to stay because she was pretty sure she was having a heart attack. So, she left and drove herself to the hospital. I am sure you can only imagine the martyrdom. She thinks the world revolves around her and the sun fucking rises and sets on her ass.

Most recently, my husband and I found out that we are having a baby. The Devil was in the hospital at the time, which is another horrifying, story for another time. The short and sweet of it is that The Devil comes down with some life threatening illness or another about once every two months or so. Thus far, we've had brain tumors, MS, breast cancer, paralysis... you get the picture. Anyway, the crazy fuck was in the hospital again, and so she was next to the very last person to know that we are expecting a child. On the way to the hospital to tell her, my husband asked me if I really thought it was a good idea to tell her about our news at this time. When I asked him why he thought we should wait, he honestly said "Well, you know... because of the condition of her heart." I wanted to scream.

When we did finally tell her, the exchange went something like this:

Husband: "Mom, we wanted to tell you that we're having a baby."
Devil: "I'M going to be a grandma?!"
Husband: "Yep. We're having a baby, Mom."
Devil: "I'M so happy! I'M going to be a grandma!"
(Unsuspecting nurse enters.)
Devil: "Nurse! I'M going to be a grandma! Aren't you so happy for ME?!?"

No congratulations. No indication of the fact that this is something about my husband and myself and almost is in no way at all about HER. Nothing that signified her happiness or pleasure with the two of us. Simply celebration for her being launched into grandparenthood... by no real contribution of her own. Gosh, you have to love the self-centeredness of The Devil.
I'll just have to be sure that when she does finally kick it, I'm sure to let her know that that one really is all.about.her.

154 comments:

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I think you should make her funeral all about you in all fairness. ;)

Hugs!!

Scrappy Doo said...

Crap on a cracker! She is a whack! I would have to get in her face and let her know I wanted to pull the plug on her while she is on her deathbed !

Eva Gallant said...

Wow. I hope for your sake she really does get sick and die! (Did I just type that??)

marathon mom said...

with all those medical issues, too bad she won't be able to babysit much.

Kate said...

I so hate that I can completely relate to that! (See how I made that about ME?? I am going to make an excellent MIL someday!! Ha!)

plo said...

You can tell her she can't be left alone with the baby because she could have a heart attack at any time, this will save you many years of grief. Congratulations to you and your husband!

Beckie said...

Congrats on the baby!! How excitinga nd awesome!! About that MIL of yours...Oh my gosh move away and fast! Lol. She sounds horrid!!

Mejis said...

Wow your MIL and mine could be twins. I feel for you.

Also K. said...

Just so ya'll know -- the Devil in this post has never ACTUALLY been close to death. So Katie never had a chance to threaten to pull the plug. All of her illnesses have been imagined or minor but made to sound life-threatening for attention. And she likes to use creative phrasing to really give diagnosis a punch like when they finally diagnosed her with sleep apnea (b/c she's overweight) because she kept having 'strokes' (which weren't really strokes.) She didn't tell the kids, "Good news! I only have sleep apnea!" It was, "Sit down. I have SEVERE OBSTRUCTIVE sleep apnea and I could die from it." A barrel of laughs, I tell you.

I have 1st hand knowledge of this situation, I'm Katie's S'mother. :-) (I love you Katie!!) I just hate she'll have to deal with this until now. Thanks, everyone, for your super awesome comments. I think they'll really make her day when she sees them.

Cinthia said...

I honestly laughed a lot when I read the first comment about making the suegra (that's MIL in Spanish)'s funeral about Katie. That would be something I'd pay good money to see.

Meeko Fabulous said...

OMG . . . I wanna choke this woman!

Little Girl Big Glasses said...

Hey! Congratulations!

Katie Grace said...

Thanks, everyone. Sometimes I really need the support. Haha.

SkitzoLeezra said...

Plo is a genius! No babysitter duties for apnea and stroke victims!

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I would have to get in her face and let her know I wanted to pull the plug on her while she is on her deathbed !

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It is not a direct replica but it is inspired from the Tiffany style so [B][URL=http://www.etiffanystore.com]tiffany[/URL][/B] many of the pieces are very similar to Tiffany. Some companies [U][B]pandora beads[/U][/B] may even produce direct replicas. The main difference between real Tiffany's jewelry [U]tiffany co[/U] and the inspired version jewelry is the price tag. They are just as beautiful [U][B]tiffany necklaces[/U][/B] and classic as the real ones but at much more affordable prices. If you aspire for [B]tiffany earrings[/B] a piece of Tiffany's then you should investigate Tiffany inspired jewelry.


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Winning the Game

The moment you figured out you won, you must immediately yell BINGO, and it should be loud enough for the floor walker to hear. The pot money shall be given to the winner once their winning card is confirmed. Well, in winning or once you know you just won, the most important thing is that you shout the winning word BEFORE the time elapses. If the game proceeds and the next number is mentioned and you failed to shout "Bingo", your winning card is disqualified. Therefore, this is the rule you must know.

There may be cases when there are two winners, and in this case the pot money shall be divided equally among the winners. Supposing there are two winning cards, the two winners will share half the prize money.

Bingo Game Rules

Bingo rules are basically the same no matter in which Online Bingo hall you play. But still it's good if you know these rules by heart. If it is your first try, then ask for handouts and inquire from pros regarding the game rules. Nonetheless, the ideal thing to do if you have questions is to ask the floor walker and not the person seated beside you. You should clarify things and doubts before the game starts because asking too many questions as the game proceeds could well distract you. This guideline also applies to those who are newcomers at casinos, those who play roulette for the first time.

Bingo halls demand an age limit of 18 years old. If you are below this age, you are prohibited to play. Some bingo houses ban alcohol inside, so players aren't supposed to take liquor nor drink it inside the venue. Smoking may also be restricted inside the venue, as there are designated smoking sections.

Take note that some Bingo houses don't allow food but some do, so it basically depends on the venue. Policies vary among different venues. For instance, some bingo halls allow reservation of cards, while others don't allow it. Some allow people to leave the venue in the middle of the game, others forbid it. But there are general policies observed in all bingo houses, such as disqualification of tampered bingo cards. There is no way you can get away with a tampered card because the walkers are adept at identifying authentic cards from tampered ones. You could be banned from a bingo establishment if proven liable of tampering a card. Hence, you should play honestly.

Interestingly, some venues offer special bingo games for kids although some halls don't allow players to have companions while playing. Suppose you bring kids with you, don't let them run around the venue and bother other gamers. They should behave well whilst you play and the game proceeds. Play quietly and don't recite the numbers you desperately want to come off because you'll be much of a disturbance if you do. Decorous playing is expectant of all players, even those who play roulette at casinos. Also, having a valid identification is important because you don't know you might win and need to present credentials.

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