Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Some Guy Felt Your Boob. Get Over It.

So, this one time about 3 years ago, my husband and I were at The Devil's house for dinner. I'm not sure if we were already on the subject, or if The Devil just admitted out of the blue:

"You know, I was molested as a child."

My husband and brother-in-law and I all exchanged a look and the implicit thought: Oh, Christ. Here we go... I had a moment of clarity when I thought maybe some horrific sexual torture had warped her personality. It all started making sense.

"When I was a teenager, a friend of my father's stopped over at the house. He'd been drinking and when I was alone in the room with him, he grabbed my breast." She broke down and sobbed.

We all tried not to laugh, and my father-in-law got up from the table, uncomfortable and embarrassed. We avoided looking at each other as my brother-in-law began "Mom..." but didn't finish his sentence.

All I could think was: Bitch, do you know how many men felt my boobs when I was a teenager? And you're crying about this 40 years later?


kel said...

OH my GOD! Why am I just now discovering this blog? I heart you! I am also the daughter in law to a devil. This is the best blog ever!

HaS the Turtle said...

lmfao wow!!!!!

Fragrant Liar said...

Okay, I am hooked. I will return!

bernthis said...

what a character this one. Mine ex MIL, is truly satan herself. NOt a damn thing funny or cute about her.

Dr Zibbs said...

Hahahahahahaha - right on sista!

Kimberly said...

Why that type of talk is perfectly suitable over dinner...I mean, really, what is your problem?

Anonymous said...

My Monster-in-law is a nightmare. She is so disgustingly fake. She puts on a show and everyone loves her. However, they never heard all the shit she spoke about them. She has even shit talked her own family to me. God knows what she has said behind my back. Our politics don't align, so she hates me even more. I am the liberal, granola eaing, hippy nightmare that bore her granddaughter.

I deleted her from my page today, and it makes me fucking want to do backflips. She is a manical cunt that needs to be institutionalized. ASAP.