Monday, May 11, 2009

And Speaking of Racists - Chapter One

Reader Chatterbox Sara, sent me a series of stories about her first impressions of her mother-in-law. I hope we hear more from her, this one sounds like a real prize!



When my husband and I first started dating, I was a single mother with a 4 month old daughter. Surprisingly, he was okay with this. I say surprisingly because I was 24 and he was barely 22. He had been regaling me with stories of how horrifically weird my now MIL is, but all I could think was: "Yeah, okay, who's the one who had a drunk psycho for a father? That'd be me, nothing tops that."

But he proved to be right. It came time to tell her that he had met someone he was serious about. He put her on speaker phone:


So, anyways, I wanted to tell you about the gal I'm dating.

Oh, so you're dating again? A girl? I've always told you it's okay if you're gay.

Yeah. Thanks for that. Anyways, her name is Sara. We met about two months ago and I'm really crazy about her.

Hmmm. I never liked the name Sara. I always liked that girl Katherine you dated. She was so nice.

Mom, Kath and I dated when we were 14. She's a lesbian now and she lives in Maine.

(screeching) YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU DATE LESBIANS! IS THIS SARA A LESBIAN!?!?

Okay, mom, let's just stop. You've known that Katherine is a lesbo for like 5 years.

Fine. So, tell me all about her.

Okay well... (fill in some boring details about me)... Also, she's got a 4 month old daughter named E, who's really adorable. I'm so crazy about them both!

You got some girl pregnant and didn't tell me? You have a secret child? What is she, black? Is that why you never told me? Is she a nigger?

Um. No. E isn't my daughter. But if Sara and I get married, I'd like to adopt E someday. I'm pretty serious about her.

How can you be serious about some floozy that I've never met? I don't like this Sara girl. She's just trying to trick you into marrying her. Are you having sex? Are you using birth control? You can never be too careful, this girl obviously tried to trap someone else into marrying her and look how that worked out.

Well, I'd like you to meet her if you'd be normal and treat her nicely. No, she's not black. No she's not trying to trick me into marrying her. In fact, she's never even brought it up. As for birth control, that's our business, not yours. I just THOUGHT you'd like to know about the woman I'm dating and serious about.

Well, I can't be glad about you dating sluts. I'd be glad if you dated nice girls like Katherine.

You'd rather I date a lesbian than a single mother?


Then she hung up.

8 comments:

jeannie said...

JESUS!

kmoye said...

Nice. She sounds lovely. I hope your relationship has improved and if it hasn't then I hope you keep writing in here : )

Kristina P. said...

How are they doing now? Yikes!!!

Sara Rose said...

That'd be my MIL. We haven't spoken to her in about a year and a half now. Don't worry, she gets worse. :P

Tammy Howard said...

I've been stalking silently, but just had to jump in here with - wow. Just wow.

Sarah said...

OMG I just discovered your blog & had to LOL at the stories - it is so nice to know that my MIL isn't the only one from hell!!

Will have to email you some stories about mine but please keep the posts coming :o)

Ellyn said...

I did not know people like this actually exist. I'm sorry.

I think I will go kiss my MIL's feet now.

Anonymous said...

Now my MIL sounds normal.