And Speaking of Racists - Chapter Three

Thank you, Chatterbox Sara, for sharing! Enjoy Chapter Two below or HERE.


After we had dated for awhile, N and I moved in together. We invited his parents to our new house for a lunch. N was pretty nervous. When they first arrived, this is what my MIL said:

"Oh wow! This house is so nice! I mean, I just figured everything would be all trashy and such. You're not black! Wow! I brought you a present, hope you like it! It's a pig. N told me you think pigs are cute, so I got you a pig as a centerpiece for your table. I love animal centerpieces. Where's your daughter? Is she black? I guess I've never asked that. Where is she, I want to see her. You know I love babies, right?"

E woke up from her nap and we brought her out. MIL grabs her and starts sobbing hysterically. She then says:

"Oh my God! She's so precious! I always wanted a daughter, but we ended up having to adopt and got him. I so wish we could have adopted a girl instead. Honey, LOOK at E. She's just what I always wanted, blond curls and blue eyes, she looks like one of my little porcelain dolls I collect. When can we have her for a visit? I want to take her to live with us, I mean visit us. If you two are really going to get married, then E is ours now. I want to bring her home right away, I just need to be with her. God finally granted my wish, now I have a little girl!"

Satan's Easter Basket

Reader "K" emailed to share a recent experience in hellish mother-in-law gifts. If you can call them that. Thanks, K.


My MIL is the worst gift-giver ever. Seriously, I don't know what her problem is, but if it's in the checkout line at Big Lots, or even better, at a garage sale, then it is purchased and shipped to my house and called a gift.

This Easter, like every other holiday, my kids got a package from their Mimi. A package of shit and the contents were the following:

• Magic Grow Kitty, a paper (?) cat that you add water to and watch it grow into something mommy throws into the trash.
• An elephant balloon. You know, every child wants one?!?!
• A fly trapped in plastic ice cube. Yes! Just what I wanted my daughter to own.
• A bubble blower from a wedding. Because nothing says cheap like I got you a free thing of bubbles.
• A Ziploc bag of hangers. Because its what I always wanted.
• An eyeball headband, what all the kids are wearing these days.
• A bunny purse filled with 15 plastic caterpillars. WTF?
• A jumbo 2ft long pencil. Because, you know, my kid is 3ft tall and needs a pencil this big?!?
• A magnet shaped like the state of Oklahoma, just to remind us how far away she lives. Thank God.
• Seven outfits for my son that are shockingly too small, as in 0-3 months size. My boy is 7 months old and wears size 12-18 months clothes.

Seriously, the woman is whacked if she really thought this shit made a great Easter gift. To make this all the more unbelievable, she paid $18.10 to ship it to our house.

Next time, just mail a card and put a $20 in it. Geez.