But At Least She's Not A Nigger, Right, Ma?

Reader, Chatterbox Sara, shares more of her MIL with us. Read her other posts HERE.


Directly after meeting my future in-laws for the first time, as in, when they called to let us know they got home safely, N put MIL on speaker phone again and here's a snippet of the conversation, where MIL basically calls me a heifer.

N: I'm glad you guys made it home ok. Did you have a good time here?

MIL: It was nice. The food was soooo good that you two made. (Insert a long paragraph where she obsessed over my daughter and started crying about having to leave her.)

N interrupts the drama: I'm glad you see why I love them so much. I assume you guys like Sara and are ok with all this then?

MIL: Well, I didn't say that I particularly like Sara. I'm just so in love with her daughter. I guess if she makes you happy, I can overlook somethings.

N: Uhh, like what? I didn't see her do or say anything that should make you not like her.

MIL: It's just that she's so large. You always dated much smaller girls and I really liked that because that meant you would always have a wife who's thin and pretty.

N: Sara's not big, ma! I don't even think she's a size 8, plus she did just have a baby 5 months ago.

MIL: I'm just saying she could be smaller and prettier is all! I just don't think you'll be happy with a larger woman. I mean, fat people never get thinner, they just get fatter. I would know. What if in ten years, you don't find her attractive at all, then you'd have to get a divorce!

N: I happen to not have a problem with her size or looks, CLEARLY, since I'm dating her and would like to marry her eventually.

MIL: Well, I guess not everyone wants a thin or pretty wife. Just make sure that your choice really makes you happy.

N hung up on her then. They had several more fights over how inappropriate that was and then for a year straight she would make these smirking comments about how thiiiiiiiiiin I was and how greeeeeeeeeeeeeeat I looked. Ugh. Anytime we went out to eat, I would always order salads and water, and comment on how many calories or fat grams whatever she ate probably had. Mama didn't raise no coward! I guess, at least this time she wasn't being racist is a plus?

And Speaking of Racists - Chapter Three

Thank you, Chatterbox Sara, for sharing! Enjoy Chapter Two below or HERE.


After we had dated for awhile, N and I moved in together. We invited his parents to our new house for a lunch. N was pretty nervous. When they first arrived, this is what my MIL said:

"Oh wow! This house is so nice! I mean, I just figured everything would be all trashy and such. You're not black! Wow! I brought you a present, hope you like it! It's a pig. N told me you think pigs are cute, so I got you a pig as a centerpiece for your table. I love animal centerpieces. Where's your daughter? Is she black? I guess I've never asked that. Where is she, I want to see her. You know I love babies, right?"

E woke up from her nap and we brought her out. MIL grabs her and starts sobbing hysterically. She then says:

"Oh my God! She's so precious! I always wanted a daughter, but we ended up having to adopt and got him. I so wish we could have adopted a girl instead. Honey, LOOK at E. She's just what I always wanted, blond curls and blue eyes, she looks like one of my little porcelain dolls I collect. When can we have her for a visit? I want to take her to live with us, I mean visit us. If you two are really going to get married, then E is ours now. I want to bring her home right away, I just need to be with her. God finally granted my wish, now I have a little girl!"

And Speaking of Racists - Chapter Two

Here is the second part of reader Chatterbox Sara's series. Read Chapter One below or HERE.


Two weeks after that phone call, I recieved a call out of the blue from my future-MIL. Apparently, she had realized I was not going away, so she decided to "make nice". She spent about three minutes asking about me, telling me about herself, and then launched into an hour- long monologue about what an awful human being my husband is. Some highlights included:

"You know he's a liar, right? When he was in 6th grade, he lied to me. I was heart broken for months. He said he got a good grade on a test, but I found out later that he DIDN'T. He got an 88% on that test! I just can't find it in my heart to forgive him. Everytime we speak, I find myself looking into his eyes, desperate to know if he's talling me the truth or if that's the liar devil in his eyes!"

"I just really hope he's still a virgin. Do you two have sex? What does he like? What's he like in bed. Did you steal his virginity from him? I always wonder whether he's actually secretly gay. I keep telling him that it's fine if he is gay, but he keeps denying it and getting mad at me. I wouldn't mind if he didn't get married. He's my only son you know, it would be nice if he moved home and just lived with us to take care of us when we get older. Well, you guys must be having sex if he wants to marry a woman with a kid."

"Are you a nigger? Do you drink or do drugs? How did you end up having a kid? Are you trying to get us to assume financial responsibility of that kid?"

And Speaking of Racists - Chapter One

Reader Chatterbox Sara, sent me a series of stories about her first impressions of her mother-in-law. I hope we hear more from her, this one sounds like a real prize!



When my husband and I first started dating, I was a single mother with a 4 month old daughter. Surprisingly, he was okay with this. I say surprisingly because I was 24 and he was barely 22. He had been regaling me with stories of how horrifically weird my now MIL is, but all I could think was: "Yeah, okay, who's the one who had a drunk psycho for a father? That'd be me, nothing tops that."

But he proved to be right. It came time to tell her that he had met someone he was serious about. He put her on speaker phone:


So, anyways, I wanted to tell you about the gal I'm dating.

Oh, so you're dating again? A girl? I've always told you it's okay if you're gay.

Yeah. Thanks for that. Anyways, her name is Sara. We met about two months ago and I'm really crazy about her.

Hmmm. I never liked the name Sara. I always liked that girl Katherine you dated. She was so nice.

Mom, Kath and I dated when we were 14. She's a lesbian now and she lives in Maine.

(screeching) YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU DATE LESBIANS! IS THIS SARA A LESBIAN!?!?

Okay, mom, let's just stop. You've known that Katherine is a lesbo for like 5 years.

Fine. So, tell me all about her.

Okay well... (fill in some boring details about me)... Also, she's got a 4 month old daughter named E, who's really adorable. I'm so crazy about them both!

You got some girl pregnant and didn't tell me? You have a secret child? What is she, black? Is that why you never told me? Is she a nigger?

Um. No. E isn't my daughter. But if Sara and I get married, I'd like to adopt E someday. I'm pretty serious about her.

How can you be serious about some floozy that I've never met? I don't like this Sara girl. She's just trying to trick you into marrying her. Are you having sex? Are you using birth control? You can never be too careful, this girl obviously tried to trap someone else into marrying her and look how that worked out.

Well, I'd like you to meet her if you'd be normal and treat her nicely. No, she's not black. No she's not trying to trick me into marrying her. In fact, she's never even brought it up. As for birth control, that's our business, not yours. I just THOUGHT you'd like to know about the woman I'm dating and serious about.

Well, I can't be glad about you dating sluts. I'd be glad if you dated nice girls like Katherine.

You'd rather I date a lesbian than a single mother?


Then she hung up.